Top 10 Fitness Stereotypes – Which One Are You?Every society has a cultural ideology ingrained within the subconscious state of the human organism. We define roles, assign classifications, and associate meaning based upon the individual’s contribution to the greater good. However, the gym has its own culture and internal divisions of sub-classifications. Chances are you fall into one of the categories below, even if you don’t realize it or want to admit it.
1. The Silicon Valley Six PackWe see you and we salute you, Mr. Gear Guru. We appreciate your incessant love for all things sport science and we applaud your dedication to the finer aspects of gym technology. You may have all the tech with none of the pecs but that won’t stop you on your never-ending quest for data management and perfectly timed gym selfies. Here’s to you, Mr. Gadget Aficionado.
2. The “Internationally Acclaimed” Instagram PhenomDespite your current Instagram following, you’re probably not as important as you think you are. But, you likely still default to the SMVF. Not familiar with the SMVF? That would be the Social Media Validation Factor – aka the number of likes/comments on any given picture determines your self-worth and the quality of your workout. Your workouts don’t count if they don’t make it onto social media and your followers better appreciate that chicken salad with kale and avocado you just had for lunch or else there’s a hot and ready block button about to get smashed on them.
3. The Musician Turned MeatheadMaybe you got your start on America Idol or maybe you’ve been practicing in the shower for years. Either way, you take every opportunity to turn the gym into your lyrical playground. Every rest period is fair game and the oversized Beats by Dr. Dre headphones are just the icing on the cake when it comes to your aspiring vocal career. In fact, you routinely pause in between reps to rap the newest line from Logic or Future. #repraps
4. Mr. Exercise < Mr. ExcusesWelcome to the world of mediocrity. You live for mismatching socks, half empty gas tanks, and malfunctioning alarm clocks. You subsist on day old cups of coffee, stale tortilla chips, and cold pizza from last week. If working out was your job, you would be homeless. Lucky for you, the gym is optional. But, most of the time you still choose other options. Where there’s a will, there’s a way out.
5. The Washed-Up Athlete Turned CoachYou probably tried out for the NFL combine in Indianapolis but according to your athlete page on Facebook, you couldn’t break a 5.0 in the 40 because you simultaneously pulled both of your hamstrings right out of the blocks. Now you currently spend most of your evenings reliving the glory days with all the young guns. You probably need a good 30 minutes to get warmed up before your training session but I’m sure there’s a powerlifting division which still accepts broken former athletes.
6. The Fitness Survival SpecialistYour social media is strewn with motivational phrases and abstract quotes meant to stir the hearts and minds of every young, aspiring gym junkie. You live the #hustle #grind #battle mindset daily and you scoff at those who would disgrace their bodies with filth such as pizza, beer, and skittles. More power to you, sir. If you ever get tired of “going to war” against the iron, feel free to join the Marines. I’m sure they’re looking for able-bodied men such as yourself with a love for conflict.
7. Sir Pics AlotIn your mind, if there’s a mirror, there’s a perfect opportunity for a swolfie. You need the world to know that your abs have not disappeared since yesterday and your arms are still too large for a shmedium. You understand the need for perfect lighting and angles. Why get lean when you can just over filter and retouch a perfectly good photo? You live to work smarter, not harder.
8. Mr. PR EverydayYou are a PR machine. Your entire existence is driven by the quest for small, incremental improvements. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, you’re trying to get better and the people need to know. Pullups? PR. Front squat? PR. Hanging leg raises? PR. Hammer curl? PR. Odds are no one cares about your hammer curl PR but the SMVF is high within your psyche and you thrive off the constant influx of positive digital reinforcement. Lift on bro, the internet must know about your limitless state of progression.
9. The Barbell BumblerYou only have two apps on your phone – Tinder and Bumble. Why? Because every meathead knows that the only reason you work out is to show off your gains. Nobody off the street is going to ask how much you incline pressed last Monday. However, that girl from apartment 216 down the hall just might be interested in those triceps and shoulders you’ve got lurking under your button down. Inter-set rest periods call for a swiping superset – stay frosty and swipe right my friends. #weightsfordates
10. Mr. Jug HeadYour life is consumed by multiple plastic containers holding various liquids and powders. At any given point in time, you’re likely sipping a protein shake or lugging around a gallon of water with enough H2O to hydrate a youth soccer team. Props to you, we should all take our hydration a little more seriously. Maybe we could if you would leave some water for the rest of us…
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